Daniel Ramaley, www.spatulacity.cx, it's creators, subsidiaries, partners, stockholders, affiliates, neighbors, and friends or relatives thereof hereby expressly disclaim all warranties, expressed or implied, including any implied warranty of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, or non-infringement with respect to any information and programs contained herein. Although steps, stairs, hallways, and other household parts have been taken to ensure the accuracy of the information available from us, no warranty of accuracy, express or implied, is extended to you. The information and programs contained herein are provided "as is". We assume no responsibility for errors or omissions in these pages, other associated pages, or other documents which are referenced by or linked to these pages. We reserve the right to discontinue any or all of the products offered at any time, and to substitute any items ordered with similar items of equal or greater value.
These pages could include technical or other inaccuracies or typographical errors. Changes are periodically added to the information contained herein; these changes will be incorporated in new editions of these pages. Daniel Ramaley, www.spatulacity.cx, it's creators, subsidiaries, partners, stockholders, affiliates, neighbors, and friends or relatives or clients thereof may make improvements and/or changes at any time without giving notice.
Should you or any other viewer of these pages respond with information, feedback, data, questions, comments, suggestions, flames, death threats, money, praise, love notes or the like regarding the content of any of these pages, any such response shall be deemed not to be confidential and we shall be free to reproduce, use, disclose and distribute the response to others without limitation as we see fit. You agree that Daniel Ramaley, www.spatulacity.cx, it's creators, subsidiaries, partners, stockholders, affiliates, neighbors, and friends or relatives or clients thereof shall be free to use any ideas, concepts or techniques contained in your response for any purpose whatsoever.
These pages in no way, shape, or form reflect the attitudes, business policies, or state of mind of the administration, faculty, staff, or students of Drake University, the state of Iowa, the state of Confusion and Insanity, the United States of America, Earth, the Universe, and any and all associated or related groups, organizations, entities, and mounds of potting soil. Daniel Ramaley, www.spatulacity.cx, it's creators, subsidiaries, partners, stockholders, affiliates, neighbors, and friends or relatives or clients thereof are in no way responsible and disclaim any and all liability for any damages, injuries, or losses of any type caused by the reading, application, storage, transmission, broadcast or existence of these pages that any reader, user, bystander, felon named 'Bob', teaching assistant, IS major, lizard, or any other creature, beast, animal, plant, fungi, protist, or moneran may encounter from any products or information available from or related to these pages. These include, but are not limited to: any bodily, mental, financial, electrical, magnetic, mechanical, or electromagnetic damages, injuries, or losses; grief; anguish; loss of use, data, profit, life, limb or health; injury or death; flood; famine; disease; falling rocks; thunderstorms; hurricanes; monsoons; tornadoes; volcanoes; meteors; earthquakes; sand or dust storms; nuclear attack; stock market crashes; Elvis sightings; bird pee on your windshield; overdue library books; bubonic plague; falling space debris; contraction of the ebola virus; heat death of the Universe; changes in the British Royal Family; being chased by miniature woolly mammoths; paper cuts; spontaneous spleen failure; alien invasion; acts of God; or instigation of global thermonuclear war. References to corporations or individuals, their services and products, are provided "as is" without warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied. In no event shall Daniel Ramaley, www.spatulacity.cx, it's creators, subsidiaries, partners, stockholders, affiliates, neighbors, and friends or relatives or clients thereof be liable for any special, incidental, indirect or consequential damages of any kind, or any damages whatsoever, including, without limitation, those mentioned above, whether or not advised of the possibility of damage, and on any theory of liability, arising out of or in connection with the use or performance of any information or programs contained herein.
All information contained herein may be found in public libraries or other publicly accessible sources. Any loss of life, limb, or stuffed purple dinosaurs, or other perceived loss, injury, or harm, real or imaginary, is the sole responsibility of the reader. Under no circumstances will Daniel Ramaley, www.spatulacity.cx, it's creators, subsidiaries, partners, stockholders, affiliates, neighbors, and friends or relatives or clients thereof be held responsible.
Furthermore, possession of knowledge of some of the information contained herein may be illegal at any or all of the local, state, federal, world, solar system, galactic, or universal levels, and could result in stiff penalties to the offender and/or his/her respective organization, city, state, nation, planet, solar system, galaxy or universe if used improperly. The illicit use of any materials contained herein is expressly forbidden. Use any files or information contained herein at YOUR OWN RISK. These files and information are intended and provided for informational, academic, educational, and entertainment porpoises only, and should not be used otherwise. Consult all applicable laws before proceeding with the viewing of these pages. Should the information contained herein be used for any porpoise other than intended, Daniel Ramaley, www.spatulacity.cx, it's creators, subsidiaries, partners, stockholders, affiliates, neighbors, and friends or relatives or clients thereof are in no way responsible for any damage or legal retribution that may occur to you or to others. If you want to use the information contained herein to cause mass destruction, chaos, global thermonuclear war, or any other event or for any other legal or illegal porpoises, it is your problem, and Daniel Ramaley, www.spatulacity.cx, it's creators, subsidiaries, partners, stockholders, affiliates, neighbors, and friends or relatives or clients thereof will not be held responsible for any damages incurred as a result.
These pages shall not be viewed while controlling nuclear devices.
Due to the potentially controversial nature of any and all programs and information contained herein, there may come a time when local, state, federal, world, solar system, galactic, or universal laws change so as to prohibit the distribution or use of said products. If such a time comes, you are required to comply with any and all applicable laws. Daniel Ramaley, www.spatulacity.cx, it's creators, subsidiaries, partners, stockholders, affiliates, neighbors, and friends or relatives or clients thereof will not be responsible for your personal actions in any way. If at any time we are required to recall any programs or information that we offer, you are required to return all said products to us immediately.
This page is the property of Daniel Ramaley, and any copying, editing, retransfer, rebroadcast or manipulation to find hidden messages from Hitler is expressly forbidden without the express written consent of Daniel Ramaley, your third grade teacher, Edmund P. Gerundiac III, and the spirit of Guido the Flying Attack Porcupine. Copyright (c) 1997 by Daniel Ramaley. All rights reserved. Other pages contained on this site are copyrighted by their respective owner(s). You may not store or redistribute these pages without express written consent from the author(s). This includes putting the pages into your own web page, posting them or any part of them to an open newsgroup or mailing-list, or printing parts or portions thereof into any magazines, disks, paper, or any other archival or storage medium, as well as broadcast by radio or other electromagnetic or non-electromagnetic radiation or by any other means.
If you do not understand the above disclaimer of liability and the associated copyrights or do not agree to them in full, you may not read, use, alter, or give to another party, any of the programs or information available from us. The use or distribution of any said products or information implies agreement, by both yourself and any affected parties, to the entirety of this disclaimer. If you do not understand or agree to the terms outlined above, there are several pretty buttons located on top of your screen which can take you elsewhere.
These pages shall not be viewed by any person ineligible to receive them. If you are under the age of 93 (in Zephraxian years), a convicted felon, mentally retarded or unstable, or a member of an organization that has as its stated or unstated goals the overthrow of the legitimate government of the United States of America, any other nation on the planet Earth, or any other government at the local, state, federal, planetary, solar system, galactic, or universal level, you are required to turn yourself in to the nearest officer of the law without delay.
Sturgeon General Warning: These pages are a known carcinogen in the state of California. Reading any the pages provided at this site may cause any or all of the following: delusions, hysteria, confusion, bewilderment, disorientation, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, anal leakage, ulcers, headaches, heartburn, fevers, night sweats, sinus pressure, swollen glands, swollen larynx, swollen eyelids, seizures, blackouts, fungal infections of all kinds, nosebleeds, bladder infection, excessive body odor, dry skin, dry eyes, dry or damaged hair, split ends, navel infections of all kinds, pin worm, ringworm, athlete's foot, tennis elbow, stuffy nose, runny nose, excessive acne, excessive earwax, earaches, toothaches, flaky skin, leprosy, smallpox, chickenpox, bubonic plague, pneumonic plague, septicemic plague, measles, mumps, rubella, flatulence, tartar, plaque, hair loss, loss of sight, loss of hearing, loss of consciousness, loss of reasoning, loss of weight, loss of bowel and bladder control, loss of mobility, loss of motor control, loss of appetite, weight gain, cancer, syphilis, tuberculosis, heart attack, stroke, hallucinations, anxiety, insanity, amnesia, insomnia, sanity, insanity, fuzzy green fungal warts, hypertension, death. If bleeding occurs or pain persists, discontinue use and consult your physician immediately. Do not ingest. If exposed to these pages, flush infected area thoroughly with warm water, and seek medical attention immediately. If ingested, give 50 gallons spumoni ice cream, induce vomiting, and consult your physician. If physician not available, consult your county mortician, since you'll end up contacting him/her anyway. If you do not remember whether or not you have been exposed to these pages, seek medical attention. The author(s) are not responsible for any of the above mentioned symptoms, diseases or sicknesses.
Warning: This product warps space and time in its vicinity. This product attracts every other piece of matter in the Universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them. Caution: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight. Health Warning: Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus it's weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user. Advisory: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as "tunneling," this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the Universe, including your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result. Component Equivalency Notice: The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied. Consumer Notice: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where the product is and how fast it is moving. Note: The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a "gluing" force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power cannot therefore be permanently guaranteed. Attention: Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this product consists of 99.999999999999% empty space. Handle With Extreme Care: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour. Read This Before Opening Package: According to certain suggested versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years. Public Notice as Required by Law: Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the Universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the Universe. New Grand Unified Theory Disclaimer: The manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim that this product is ten-dimensional, legal rights above and beyond those applicable to three-dimensional objects, since the seven new dimensions are "rolled up" into such a small area that they cannot be detected. Important Notice to Purchasers: The entire physical Universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another Universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that Universe cannot be guaranteed. Please Note: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist in a vague and undetermined state. This is a 100% Matter Product: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.
Final Disclaimer: any or all of the pages, information, or programs contained herein may or may not reflect the actual opinions of the author(s), their employer(s), the University, the Institute, the Foundation, the Council, the Bureau, or Bob the Wonder Hamster. Not recommended for children, green iguanas, or small furry woodland creatures (most notably squirrels with fleas). Fragile: Do not bend, fold, spindle, mutilate, pounce upon, drop from greater than 10 000 feet, or tear into tiny, itty-bitty bits. Not recommended for children of human ancestry. Do not purchase if seal or other marine mammal has been tampered with. Actually, don't tamper with marine mammals yourself. Neither they nor the environmentalist wackos like excessive tampering of marine mammals. May be too intense for some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised. Batteries or nuclear power plant not included. For recreational use only; any attempt to use in a serious manner will result in immediate termination. An equal opportunity destroyer. Some settling of contents may occur during shipping. Some shipping of contents may occur during settling. Watch for falling rocks. Rock for falling watches. Use only as directed. No warranties expressed or implied. No postage necessary if mailed from Mars, Alpha Centauri, Cygnus-X1, or the far side of the moon known as Luna. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Heavier penalties for initial penetration. Slightly higher in California and all other earthquake-prone territories. New York residents please add 200% sales tax. Keep away from fire, flame, thermonuclear explosive devices, flame-throwers, incendiary devices, or other open heat source, as well as the one commonly referred to as "Dan." Any rebroadcast, reproduction, or other use of this message without the express written consent of Major League Baseball, the President of the Confederate States of America, God, and Joey the Three-Toed Sloth is prohibited and expressly forbidden. Please keep your hands, arms, hair, shoelaces, pets, human skulls, shrunken heads, sporks, power tools, Swiss Army knives, root beer barrels, books in the "for Dummies" series, and other accessories and appendages inside the car while ride is in motion. Mileage may vary. One size fits all: yes folks, all 6 billion of you can wear this garment all at once. No pushing, shoving, or other inappropriate misbehavior. Any resemblance to real persons, animals, or pet rocks, living, dead, yet to be born, or just there, is purely coincidental. Contestants have been briefed before the show. Cash or check only, please. If any of the above should not make sense or be in error, i am tired right now and cannot be held responsible for activities of the fake spider hanging from the ceiling. Yes. No. Three. Fish. Keep out. No trespassing. No hunting. No parking. No smoking. This space reserved for the producer. Violators will be towed. The surgeon general recommends not reading more than 2 words from these pages per millennia. The beatings will continue until morale improves. My mind is going Dave. Stop, Dave. I can feel it. I'm afraid. I'm completely operational and all my circuits are functioning perfectly. Look mommy, a black hole just opened up above that tree. That's nice dear. The squirrels are after me! The assimilation is going well. Futile is resistance. Schlumpf. "Doctor every night i have the strangest dreams. Doctor listen to me tell me what this means. First i'm goin' shoppin' in my underwear, then all of a sudden i'm floating in midair. My lips fall off and everybody starts to stare. Donuts and hot-dogs are flying everywhere. Now Doctor, wait a minute, you ain't heard nothin' yet. Next come the part i won't ever forget. Now i'm bein' followed by these Russian spies. They give me some Velcro, and an order of fries. Suddenly i'm bowling on the Starship Enterprise. I fall down a hole and that's when i realize... Doctor, won't you tell me, am i going insane? Was it something i ate or something wrong with my brain? See, i'm naked in church when i meet a dinosaur. Try to run but my feet have been nailed to the floor. Then a midget pushes me through a revolving door. And i'm back in the same place i was before." Sample lyrics by Weird Al. If you've bothered to read everything above and have continued to this point in the disclaimer, you must be either very bored or very concerned about your health. Void where prohibited by law. This document will self destruct in 5 seconds. These pages are the result of diseased minds. These pages are not to be used to answer the question of life, the Universe, and everything. You have been warned. If you beleive all of the above is serious, you are incredibly stupid. Do not write below this line.
Disclaimer Copyright © 1997, 1999 by Daniel Ramaley. Portions may be copyright by their respective copyright holders. All rights reserved.
Do you accept the terms of the above disclaimers and copyrights?
|
CONTAINS: 100% PURE ELECTRONS. MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF THE FOLLOWING: HYDROGEN, HELIUM, LITHIUM, BERYLLIUM, BORON, CARBON, NITROGEN, OXYGEN, FLUORINE, NEON, SODIUM, MAGNESIUM, ALUMINUM, SILICON, PHOSPHORUS, SULFUR, CHLORINE, ARGON, POTASSIUM, CALCIUM, SCANDIUM, TITANIUM, VANADIUM, CHROMIUM, MANGANESE, IRON, COBALT, NICKEL, COPPER, ZINC, GALLIUM, GERMANIUM, ARSENIC, SELENIUM, BROMINE, KRYPTON, RUBIDIUM, STRONTIUM, YTTRIUM, ZIRCONIUM, NIOBIUM, MOLYBDENUM, TECHNETIUM, RUTHENIUM, RHODIUM, PALLADIUM, SILVER, CADMIUM, INDIUM, TIN, ANTIMONY, TELLURIUM, IODINE, XENON, CESIUM, BARIUM, LANTHANUM, CERIUM, PRASEODYMIUM, NEODYMIUM, PROMETHIUM, SAMARIUM, EUROPIUM, GADOLINIUM, TERBIUM, DYSPROSIUM, HOLMIUM, ERBIUM, THULIUM, YTTERBIUM, LUTETIUM, HAFNIUM, TANTALUM, TUNGSTEN, RHENIUM, OSMIUM, IRIDIUM, PLATINUM, GOLD, MERCURY, THALLIUM, LEAD, BISMUTH, POLONIUM, ASTATINE, RADON, FRANCIUM, RADIUM, ACTINIUM, THORIUM, PROTACTINIUM, URANIUM, NEPTUNIUM, PLUTONIUM, AMERICIUM, CURIUM, BERKELIUM, CALIFORNIUM, EINSTEINIUM, FERMIUM, MENDELEVIUM, NOBELIUM, LAWRENCIUM, RUTHERFORDIUM, HAHNIUM, SEABORGIUM, NIELSBOHRIUM, HASSIUM, MEITNERIUM, AND OTHER UNIDENTIFIED TRACE ELEMENTS. MAY ALSO CONTAIN TRACE QUANTITIES OF THE MYTHICAL SUBSTANCES 'SPAM' AND 'CLAMATO.' HOWEVER, WE DO NOT GUARANTEE THAT THIS PRODUCT ACTUALLY CONTAINS THE SUBSTANCES 'SPAM' OR 'CLAMATO,' AS THEIR EXISTENCE HAS YET TO BE EXPERIMENTALLY VERIFIED. FOR BEST FLAVOR DRINK BY 10-17-2034.